Category Archives: out in the world

Soft Time

Leave a reply

[written during the last writing jam in Richmond ~ August 25, 2012]

 

there is nothing

oh so poetical

like the swim of sounds

all around

in the quiet holding

of silence perforated

by the most exquisite

traces of life cascading

from all braces and

otherwise non-races

of life arriving when

and how it does

gastric upheavals

sparkling weevils

squirm-ish peevals

trickling of sweet quieted voices

fountaining up like dampened water

and the metal keys

the piano of the wind plays

the heat flushes my face

what grace that pink

rose without any thorns

I wore my rose shirt

today just for you

and you and you

even the green of the

green envy and missing

leaves ~ all of us

in it together

this room

punctuated by soft time

no time only some odd

agreement we’d forgotten

about from another time

one without brave silences

held like holding your breath underwater

the eyes have it, but so do the ears

and so does the nose

nosing under

visiting the journey

that traveling could

never reach

 

Fr ee Move ment

Leave a reply

Bound less out side of time

Yes exist ence so clear ly bleeds

through all truth s

sim ultaneously if only

watching hap pens

happen stance ly marking s

open out the con straints

Gen uis in spirit

nev er separate d

not ever

fractal  f r a c t a l   f  r  a  c  t  a  l

what Brings it to get her

takes it a part

kin esthetics

So Many Reflections Through This Form

Leave a reply

First, it’s the music ~ music is one of the deepest reflections there is for me. A reflection in the most visceral sense where within me a recognition is stirred of the primordial nature of what I feel to be my very core self or essence. When I experience this kind of reflection, it’s as if I have access to the formless nature of being through the form of my physical self, the simple within the complex, and the vastness of the timeless within the present moment. It’s not as if I’m listening to music, but I am the music, the awareness, consciousness, and the embodiment of the music. ~ 10.7.11

Another is simply being one with nature ~ interesting, this one. Of course, I am one with nature, as there is no separating that very core aspect of this form existing in nature, as nature, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to perceive myself as ‘being one with nature.’ What occurs more than not, however, is that I am in some organized structure, a house, a car, something constructed out of nature, but one that creates more of a separation from nature than not. These structures and dwelling in them seems to me to be similar to the mind dwelling in a concept ~ there is some ‘safety’ or ‘protection’ there in the concept, but ultimately an artificial boundary.

Stepping outside of these structures, I find I meld with or join my timeless and natural state of being when just surrendering the form into natural landscape. I walk and walk up into the hills only to immerse my nature in the nature of these surrounding hills and forests, laying supine on a grassy slope facing the western sinking sun. I experience the closest thing to this ‘pre-mind’ nature in my ‘post-mind’ consciousness.

Eckhart Tolle describes nature and animals as being ‘pre-mind’ and humans as ‘post-mind.’ (In his CD collection called the art of PRESENCE.) What I take from this is that even though we, as humans, have been front and center so overly involved on an evolutionary level with the development of the mind and thus the preoccupations of the mind, we are actually at a time when we have the opportunity to step into a new ‘post-mind’ relationship with being that has an interesting relationship with the ‘pre-mind’ state of being we can witness in animals and nature. “Connecting with being,” he calls it “connecting with your body, it’s more than body, the invisible life that animates the body, the intelligence field.”

Riding the Way of Human Experiencing and not-Knowing

Leave a reply

I just can’t know how things are until the whole of the experience that I am in is experienced all the way through to it’s fulfillment or completion. Of course, I think I know and I’ve thought I knew ‘what was going on’ many a time and moved from that place thinking I knew. A while back, I met this realization, both sides of it, in the flesh, so to speak, in a way that it landed in my cells as a recognition that I responded to within my life intelligence. Ah, freeing and at the same time weighty in some way. I was inspired again today to reflect on this insight on the workings of such a deep mechanism in the human, experiential way after reading a quote by a fellow HD journeyer who shared her own insights into this phenomena. She describes this in her own words, but she maps it out beautifully in her pointing to the nature of this particular ‘way’ of human experiences and awareness:

Let’s say, I set ‘100’ as the marker, I consider ’99’ the mid-point” – ’cause that’s exactly what the Human Experiential Way is about (41/30 -> 36/35). Once you arrive at the ’50’ mark you may still be fully excited that you are getting exactly what you planned, what you wanted – then very few make it, endure until the ’70th mark’, since frustration/ bitterness/ anger/ disappointment has already overruled the Body’s Intelligence – and it’s only about: “I gotta get it! Gotta get it, no matter the price!” – oh, how much waste of resources, how much resistance, how much wear and tear on your body! – And then, just when the real mystery/miracle, uniquely designed for you, is about to happen, this point 99, only 1 more step to go! you have already lost all of your JUICE, and maybe longtime given up on that Initial Spark that had set you on this experiential journey… and it’s then, ‘IT’ suddenly happens! So, that’s what I’ve learned and learning again and again: Stay with it! Follow your unique strategy and inner authority no matter what the ‘results’!! 🙂 Then you truly have a life! Doesn’t have to be the one you thought… CAN actually never be the one you thought. Such a Joke and also such a drag many times. -Life reveals itself, no one knows your truth, since it’s only been waiting for you… this is what I woke up with today, right from the bottom of my being.- ~ Gisela Koška

My personality Sun gate, the 41, initiates this whole cycle. I, at times, can feel that working in me, especially right now where the global program is providing the 30th gate and the 35th gate to my 41 and 36, both on the personality side. What can pop out of my mouth, some part of me trying to ‘describe’ what is going on, continues to amaze me at the audacity of what is declared! “This is what is happening…” I so boldly declare, as I have the feeling that I can speak ‘what is true’ and yet, as stated earlier here, by its very nature, we cannot know what is unfolding, what is true even, until the full unfolding is reached. And not reached in a pseudo way, seemingly offering ‘knowing!’

This circuit also carries a different kind of wave than I am used to. Hope and pain, hope and pain and back again. In the hope cycle, it’s so easy to find myself declaring that I know what’s going on! Even in the pain, it’s as if I feel I can see into the underbelly of what is present, instead of just being in presence, relaxing into the passenger consciousness. I seem to enlist others (ah the collective nature of this circuitry) so easily or at least I seem to feel impulsed with a strong desire (30th gate!) to include others, to share, to discuss… And all of this I am watching now.

Even in this writing, I have the feeling that I don’t know what to say. It’s as if I am reporting somewhere along the way, with really nothing to report other than “this is where I seem to be right now!” In the shift from speaking with a degree of certainty, to now watching all these impulses one way or the other to declare something to be so and, in truth, having no idea what is so, what is true other than being itself. So many others seem to wish me to tell them how it is in my life. People waiting for this very declaration and not asking me or even considering to ask, “do you really know that to be true?” or “can you know that to be truly the way it is?” Ah, the open breath that comes when I imagine friends and allies being with me in not-knowing, relishing it in the same way that I do!

I welcome you along with welcoming myself to this not-knowing journey, as long as it continues on. Oh joy, in that being! Love Yourself!

‘On the Shore’

Leave a reply

~ fifteen minute timed writing with a found starting phrase during a writing jam hosted by Daniel Ari, Richmond CA ~ October 23rd, 2011

On the shore, lapping up, the waters, amongst the grit of the sand and other things that are under foot. The grit under foot ~ stay there. It’s a visceral experience of staying with right now that feeds me, that calls me, beckons me to not divert the energy through thought, but to stay with experience, the connection with sensate beingness that is ground, ever present like the heat in my face now. A kind of flush that rises up as I sit with my own tendency to shift all too easily and quickly with what is, to what could be and now I recognize how dissatisfying that really is.

The questions are right there waiting, waiting to pop through, bleed through, but this time I’m experimenting with not giving them energy and instead going back to the shore of what I’m sitting with right now, the grit, wet and cool and coarse, under my feet ~ now anticipating the bell [the end of the writing period] and remembering we have more time in this round. Ah, I’d already gone into just a hint of measuring myself ~ good to see that it arises in me, too, not just others putting the measure out, putting the measure on me.

These grains of sand on the shore are right here under foot. Sand crystal touching cells of my skin communicating with no meaning needed to be conveyed, just being there. I stand and my legs meet my body, torso, heart, and the cosmos simultaneously. The peace of just being with, this feed me so deeply. Little else seems to feed me in this same way.

I am released in this release of being anywhere else than where I am right now ~ the belly both alive and on fire with itself, with the emotions there waiting to be digested, felt, and what else? I cant thing of how to say or write it, but I keep writing just as I stay right with what is calling me to be present here on the shores of feeling. And the questions lap up again and again, but they are gentle waves, not overwhelming. I can hear.

Many Companions

Leave a reply

I just have to write today. The days, months and weeks have gone by since visiting here, since inhabiting this space of page, words, laying down the companion words as they come, many companions. The times have been challenging for me, quite, over the last two months, possibly longer too, but especially the last two months. And now I am here.

After turning and turning in the night and dreaming layers of thoughts and images in between, I’ve woken to a new day, a bright day. What I may have looked to and anticipated once doesn’t always seem enjoyable another time; what once felt comforting and companionable, now has spines that I hadn’t noticed earlier. Or so it seems.

The world as it seems is so incredibly receptive to all that is present in the day, circumstances, and timings. I’ve had so, so many insights in the process of this challenging journey of late. Many, many sweet insights, dear insights that I do feel the rightness of this particular way, this particular experience for me in my life at this time. That feeling alone is quite an arrival in itself. Each insight is like a new companion along the way, as they have a presence,  a communication, and a connection within.

the human and animal conversation

Leave a reply

Local and non-local are terms that figure into a human and animal conversation. Many of us humans haven’t a real sense of what it can be like to live within a non-locality frame of reference. However, this frame of reference is exactly what animals can give us a sense of if we shift out of our ordinary state of mind and allow ourselves to perceive the world through a body that doesn’t live exclusively in a state dictated by time and measurement.

writing jam 1/30/2011 ~ Richmond, CA

Leave a reply

Daniel and Lauren Ari hosted a writing jam this past Sunday in their home in Richmond. We, the pot, were stirred by each other. We wrote for about a quarter of the time after reading poetry together and sharing, too. This poem came out of that time together.

•

What allegiance, pen and paper,

ardour as ink,

this room and the empty space,

the bones.

If you could feel this poem

in a time where words never existed

and still don’t,

poets would know

what it was they were saying

anyhow.

And I would see and feel you,

yes, without yes and no,

remembering, without anything

ever forgotten.

Your standing ~ I see the texts you carry,

that which just gets to be itself

without otherwise being represented

~ ~ ~

Why did you take on

this kind of language, these codes,

when the taste of what resonates

has no bounds or sequencing

in its landing?

Its Own Wonder

2 Replies

i.

The dark left as itself
impresses upon me a whole,
a depth incomparable,
a wonderment beyond
what typically is taken
as the simple absence of light

For the dark is itself
a deep nourishing, a salve
to my bones and beingness as
I walk in the dark, sampling
this exquisite treat of the
unnameable senses

True would be the loss
to suffer nyctalopia, although
many do without knowing
this condition is theirs,
we’ve become so blind
within the hierarchy of light

ii.

Dusk finds the ground within
such that surfaces dissolve
give way to the softer core heat
This communication begins
its emanation, naming each
thing anew as dark arises

In contrast, intentioned light
overshadows and can carelessly enter
the exquisiteness of the dark
where naturally listening things
recede into their essential
incognito. The dusk is that listening

iii.

What do we have in common
with the dark? Are we not dark,
dark in our marrow, in our quiet,
in so many yet to be
realized ways?

And how are we similar to a flame?
The flame, kin to the dark, is it not
ever tender to the shadows?
Lighting a flame, our dark
dances within, with, and around us.

iiii.

As a sweet melancholy
unlike anything
I am drawn to take to the dark,
an exquisite entry

A prescription unique,
a remembering
timeless
walking forward looking deeply
eyes open and open again,

The vastness of the dark field,
to deeply see
what cannot be seen
what cannot
be perceived
through a different wonder.

arriving here, this morning

4 Replies

each morning, there is something new arriving

and something left remaining from the day before,

even moments before in this blend of all things.

yesterday, i spent the day with myself and 40 others

and the trees and the meadow and countless other wild

voices, threads, conversations, and the fire at the center.

i had been called some time ago to be at this place.

was it the forest, was it the poetry within me, was it

the fire that still had some work to do with me?

was it the place, was it the people? was it the famous

ones, the storytelling, the green? was it the one

that is the many and the all and the beingness wrapped

into that vibration that so easily calls me home?

•  •  •

whatever was the call, i sit with myself now, in this

new arriving, the alchemy of elements shifted within,

burned, opened, laid to ash, ground to pigment, left to be.

am i changed or is this changing the very one that i am?

it is within this sitting, within the arriving that greets each

moment, each new day, that these questions find their form.

sometimes the wood is damp, sometimes the flames spring

from an exquisitely seasoned fuel, the heart calling in song.

sometimes the heart weeps and the fire burns and the wings

hold tight in wait for the flight that will take them, soon.

that holding, exquisite in its own right, visits me now and

burns, the damp forced out in tears. these tears, arrive

this morning, having found their way as this conversation,

this stone path, bringing voice to this morning song.